Fictional bars where we’d like to have a drink

Owned and operated by Kev and Veronica (except when it was briefly stolen from them), The Alibi Room is the preferred watering hole of Frank Gallagher on Showtime’s “Shameless,” which recently wrapped its ninth season. The bartending duo might not always be happy with the Gallagher clan, but the family is almost always welcome at the establishment, and beers are often extended to Frank on credit. Now that’s our kind of bar!

We’re not trying to hang around with anybody who’s going to get us whacked or pinched, but if given the opportunity, we’d have a drink at the Bamboo Lounge of “Goodfellas” fame. This is mostly because one of our favorite parts of the 1990 gangster flick, the “funny how?” scene featuring Joe Pesci and Ray Liotta, took place there. (And we also can’t resist a good Tiki theme.) Based on an actual bar of the same name that went out of business decades ago, the Bamboo Lounge scenes were filmed at the Manhattan bar Hawaii Kai, which has also since closed.

If we find ourselves in Twin Peaks looking for something a little stiffer than damn fine coffee and cherry pie, we’ll of course head over to the Bang Bang Bar, also known as Roadhouse. We wager there will be a band or musical performance of some sort during almost every visit, and we might even catch the Miss Twin Peaks Pageant or run into special agent Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) while we’re there. The Bang Bang Bar was a frequent setting of many episodes of both the original “Twin Peaks” (1990-1991) and its 2017 reboot.

When them duke boys are looking to tie one on, they head on down to the Boar’s Nest, where Daisy (Catherine Bach) works. Sure, it’s owned by the greedy and conniving Boss Hogg, but what isn’t in Hazzard County? Plus, it’s also the county’s oldest establishment, it boasts games like pinball and pool and even has a popcorn machine! The Boar’s Nest is based on an actual Georgia bar that once existed and was frequented by Jerry Rushing, the bootlegger whose stories inspired the 1975 film “Moonrunners,” which in turn inspired “The Dukes of Hazzard.”

When you think back, a surprisingly large amount of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” episodes have scenes that take place in The Bronze, the local nightclub that lets minors in for some reason. (Buffy even had her 17th birthday in the club, and Tara celebrated her 20th there.) It was the setting for events like the World Culture Dance as well as concerts by the likes of Aimee Mann, Michelle Branch and Bif Naked. The Bronze is also where murders, kidnappings, hostage situations, bitings and troll attacks took place — but what bar isn’t?

Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came. In the case of Cheers — the bar that serves as the setting for the sitcom of the same name that aired for 11 seasons and won 28 Emmys — ”everybody” would include Sam, Diane, Carla, Norm, Cliff, Coach, Woody, Frasier, Rebecca and Lilith. The good news for fans of the show is that there’s an actual Boston bar named Cheers Beacon Hill that inspired the one in the show — however, that establishment, which opened in 1969, was originally called the Bull & Finch Pub.

When we say we want to have a drink at Cooper’s — the usual hangout of Doug, Deacon, Carrie, Spence, Danny and numerous other characters on the CBS sitcom “The King of Queens” — we’re more looking forward to the food we’ll have with said drink than the drink itself. After all, Cooper’s is famous for its wings and the specialty sandwich “The Deacon” (pastrami, onion rings and horseradish), and Doug says it has the absolute best marinara dipping sauce for mozzarella sticks. To borrow a phrase from Kevin James’ character on the show: “Slap a bib on me and watch my arteries close up.”

The Double Deuce bar in Jasper, Missouri has had its share of tough times, but it’s really not a bad place. The plot of the 1989 action flick “Road House” involves extortion and some strategically planned brawls that take place in the tavern. But in the end bouncer Dalton (Patrick Swayze), owner Frank Tilghman (Kevin Tighe) and fellow local business owners Red (Red West) and Emmet (Sunshine Parker) take care of the violent and intimidating kingpin Brad Wesley (Ben Garazza) and restore order to the roadside honky tonk once again.

The official haunt of Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe (and sometimes Brian), The Drunken Clam has been through a lot over 17 seasons of “Family Guy.” It was temporarily turned into a British pub after it was destroyed in a hurricane back in Season 3. It also burned to the ground and became a karaoke bar in unrelated incidents in Season 4 and faced foreclosure in Season 11 after the death of the original owner, Horace, but ended up being bought by Jerome. If we had a chance to visit the Clam, we’d surely find Peter there, and hopefully we could get him drunk enough to play the piano.

We know: Gaston is a villainous, arrogant sleaze — but he didn’t survive the ending of the 1991 animated Disney classic “Beauty and the Beast” or its 2017 live-action remake, so it’s probably OK to stop by his tavern (simply referred to as “Tavern”) for a drink, even though we assume portraits of him still cover the walls. Inside, the mood is frequently jovial and the brews are tall, which is really all we need. After all, a trip to Gaston’s Tavern also means a trip to France!

The joint where Jessica Rabbit famously performed “Why Don’t You Do Right?” for an entranced audience, the Ink and Paint Club is a popular Toontown night spot. In addition to the lovely Mrs. Rabbit, you might see Daffy and Donald Duck performing together while you order a drink from a penguin waiter. Don’t ask for your beverage on the rocks, unless you like stones in your booze. Just tell bouncer Bongo the Gorilla that “Walt sent me.”

It is a scientific fact that 95 percent of the CBS sitcom “How I Met Your Mother” took place in MacLaren’s Pub. OK, we just made that up. But Ted, Robin, Barney, Lily and/or Marshall usually stop into the Irish bar on the ground floor of Ted, Lily and Marshall’s apartment building at least once per episode, and numerous episodes are set almost entirely in the establishment. The five usually occupy the same booth and have even poked fun at that fact. To be honest, we’d rather go to Puzzles, the bar created by Ted and Barney, but that only existed in the aforementioned apartment building in two episodes. Regardless, we’re certain an outing at MacLaren’s would be legen — wait for it — dary!

Do you want go to a bar with no windows, no ladies room and no current liquor license? A bar that holds Russian Roulette tournaments in the basement, is involved in both panda- and whale-smuggling? A bar that had changed formats numerous times (including stints as a family restaurant, gay bar and speakeasy) only to revert to its original form each time? A bar that is constantly harassed by an obnoxious prank caller? A bar that the owner admitted to never cleaning it? It might not sound glamorous, but it’s the place you’re most likely to see Homer, Barney, Lenny and Carl, and, if you’re lucky, maybe even a concert by Aerosmith! Try the pickled eggs. And the love-tester machine — and although it’s not officially on the menu, the Flaming Moe.

Sure, crazy old Ben Kenobi called it a wretched hive of scum and villainy — and proved himself correct moments later when he had to save Luke from a bar fight by lightsabering off a patron’s arm — but the Cantina totally seems like a good time if you don’t bump into the wrong alien who has randomly decided he doesn’t care for you. There are probably fancier bars in which to grab a drink in the busy spaceport town of Mos Eisley, but the no-frills cantina featured in the first “Star Wars” film likely has reasonably priced drinks. And if you end up not liking it, it’s clearly a good place to hitch a ride to somewhere else in the galaxy. Plus, there’s a band!

Against our better judgment, we would visit Pȧddy’s Pub of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” fame if given the chance. Yes, it’s lousy with rats, has a smoky trash-like smell, was once a hotbed for underage drinking and gambling, has been called “the worst bar in Philadelphia” and is probably going to be empty aside from Dennis, Dee, Mac, Charlie and Frank planning some terrible half-baked scheme (or worse: the McPoyles will be there). But it can also be fun at times! Maybe we’ll stumble upon a rousing game of CharDee MacDennis or one of the few times the bar is actually filled with people. And despite its disgusting bathroom complete with a “yuck puddle,” Pȧddy’s has never failed a health inspection.

Despite being only the seventh-best bar in Scranton, Pennsylvania (according to Kevin Malone, at least), Poor Richard’s is the go-to bar for almost every character on the U.S. version of “The Office.” The Dunder Mifflin crew goes there to celebrate things like the office not getting shut down, Christmas (after the office party, of course) and St. Patrick’s Day. They go there to drown their sorrows. They go there to view the local ad they made. And at the end of the final season, they even go there to view the documentary about their lives that was nine years in the making. Although the interior bar scenes were shot at a joint called Pickwick’s Pub in Woodland Hills, California, there is actually a Scranton bar named Poor Richard’s.

We might not get involved with the gambling taking place, and there are certainly some shady characters who frequent it, but Rick’s Café Américain is still a classy place to spend a Moroccan evening if you find yourself in Casablanca. And that Sam really knows how to tickle the ivories! Sam is actually based on a real person, and Rick's is based on a real cafe that was located in the south of France and visited by Murray Burnett, who co-wrote “Everybody Comes to Rick’s,” the play on which “Casablanca” is based.

We might not have the karate chops of Sandy Cheeks, muscles on our eyeballs or the ability to eat a bowl of nails without any milk for breakfast, but we still reckon we’re tough enough to enter The Salty Spitoon — "the roughest, toughest sailor club ever to be built under the seven seas." Or at least we're crafty enough to trick Reg, the bandana-wearing bouncer, into letting us enter the Bikini Bottom saloon. And if we don’t get in, at least there’s always Weenie Hut Jr.’s...especially if it’s “Double-Weenie Friday”! Just don’t make us go to Super Weenie Hut Jr.’s.

Partially owned by Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari), Jean-Ralphio (Ben Schwartz) and Donna (Retta), The Snakehole Lounge is Pawnee’s sickest nightclub...at least according to Tom. However, basically every character on the show has had fun there in the handful of “Parks and Recreation” episodes that feature the club, which was the site of the launch party for Tom’s patented Snake Juice liquor. We were skeptical of this new drink at first, but if it gets Ron Swanson’s seal of approval, that’s good enough for us. Also, on Saturdays the Snakehole is rented out for children's birthday parties, and on Monday it hosts substance abuse meetings.

When the crew members of the USS Enterprise needs to unwind after a long day of hyperspace travel and phasering people, they head to Ten Forward — which, as the name suggests, is located in the forwardmost portion of the ship. Not only does the lounge have a bar, ample seating and a mural of the Milky Way (not to mention some neato light-up tables), but it also offers expansive views of space through numerous large, forward-facing windows. You may also recall Ten Forward functioning as a venue for weddings, birthdays, concerts, professional ceremonies and even funerals. In “Star Trek: The Next Generation,” the lounge was run by Guinan (Whoopi Goldberg).

The Hog’s Head is a little too seedy for us, and, as muggles, the Leaky Cauldron is just going to look like a dump anyway. So if we’re hanging out in the world of Harry Potter, we’re heading to Madam Rosmerta’s Three Broomsticks. Like the other two pubs, it serves butterbeer (which is pretty much all we’re after in this scenario), and visiting it is also an opportunity to spot Harry, Ron, Hermione or any number of folks who call Hogwarts home.

Cuban immigrant Ricky Ricardo (Desi Arnaz) was hired by the Manhattan club “The Tropicana” to be a singer and drummer, but he was eventually promoted to the position of manager. We would love to travel back to the ‘50s and attend a show at the venue that seems like a hoot almost every night. After all, Lucy (Lucille Ball) was always asking Ricky to let her go, so we want to see what all the fuss is really about.

The Winchester doesn’t seem particularly exciting, but if the British pub is good enough for Shaun (Simon Pegg), Ed (Nick Frost) and the rest of the crew from the 2004 horror comedy “Shaun of the Dead,” then it’s good enough for us. Plus, if a zombie outbreak occurs, we’ll have a decent fortress in which to kill some time (and zombies) and gain a little protection. And as a bonus in that situation: The rifle above the bar really works.